Author Archives: admin

Violence, Guns, and Videogames

As the proverb goes, video games don’t kill people: people kill people.  We certainly should not put the full weight of the blame for tragedies on entertainment and media industries, as sure as we shouldn’t put the full blame on the gun industry. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be evaluating the role that violent video games play in tragic events.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

The Good

Children need time to develop their bodies and minds through play. A game of basketball or tossing the frisbee around the back yard gives a child the opportunity to improve many areas of his development. They get cognitive stimulation through strategy and adaptation; physical stimulation, muscle control, hand-eye coordination and more through physical exertion, and emotional stimulation through socialization; they learn visual and social cues about proper behavior. They learn what bad behavior looks like. It’s a great place to learn about life’s reversals. The strongest, most talented, most intelligent team doesn’t always win.

The Bad

Watching any kind of immoral content desensitizes us to the horror of that content. Watching people behave in ways that dehumanizes others sets the table for both desensitization and imitation.

Large amounts of time spent indoors is likely to exacerbate symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and other developmental disorders in children.

Our children are growing up in a world where conversations happen through text messages or other social media, robbing them of the exercise and bonding that comes from conversation. These skills ultimately helps them become a part of community.

Over-consumption of videogames and media can impersonalize and isolate us from being successful in a social context. We bond in people’s physical presence in ways that are impossible to simulate electronically.

The Ugly

Aggressive people are drawn to aggressive content. They will be more likely to consume this kind of entertainment. There are situations where we need to desensitize ourselves to violence, as is the case with soldiers. As you’re preparing to do combat, soldiers are put through basic training that is designed to breakdown their fear of gun use and violence. Frankly, we need soldiers to be desensitized to violence. They must be able to act effectively in a way that protects us.

Video games go way past watching violence. You are an active participant in this violence.

“To provide some perspective on the degree of violence that is influenced by video games, research suggests that the effects are more powerful than that of watching violent television and film (Anderson, Gentile, & Buckley, 2007). Moreover, the effect size – the strength of the relationship between video game violence and aggression – is approximately .26 (Anderson, 2004). What does this mean? It means that the relationship between gaming and aggression is stronger than the relationship between condom use and decreased HIV risk, and between second-hand smoke and lung cancer, even the effect of calcium intake on bone mass density!” (Psychology Today, Videogame Violence: Part 1)

Desensitization to violence as a result of playing violent video games is a fact established in research. There are other situations where desensitization is good. In therapy we often use techniques to desensitize people to acts of violence that have been inflicted upon them. This can be a very healthy thing.

The question that remains is do we want adolescent boys, whose minds are still structuring the way they will view the world for the rest of their lives, to become compassionless as it pertains to violence and sexuality?

Clearly we do not want them to be desensitized to violence against women. We do not want them to feel like it’s okay, normal, or passé to inflict violence upon their girlfriends or wives. When media highlights crimes of evil men inflicting pain on innocent women, it leaves both women and men more vulnerable.

Decisions have long-term consequences. We know “You are what you eat” and even more so, “You are what you think?” Decisions about what types of media we consume have long-term consequences . Choose wisely, especially for your children.

» No Comments

Talking Tragedy with Children

Every time there’s a tragedy in the news, the questions come: how do I help my children understand what happened?

1. Make time to talk. Talking is often easier while you’re doing a household chore together or taking a walk, or engaging your child in other ways.

2. Answer questions in an age appropriate way. Spare young children the detail. But,  answer every question they have.

3. Use this as a time to reinforce safety concerns and practices in your family. For example: what would you do if you saw somebody with a gun? Help your children to have a plan in mind.

4. Get into their world. Find out what they understand about information they’ve been exposed to. How are they feeling as an individual? Some children may be deeply troubled by this sort of information, while it may have a limited impact on others.

5. Be prepared to seek extra help if you need to. Call a school counselor, a minister, or a mental health professional.

6. Reassure children that this is something that happens, but doesn’t happen all the time. Reaffirm the confidence and safety that they feel with their teachers, bus drivers, and staff at their school. Assure them that those trusted people have their best interests at heart and would act to protect them.

7. Take this opportunity to evaluate your consumption of violent tv shows, movies, and video games as a family.

8. After you’ve discussed the facts, answered questions, and checked on the emotions of your child, move on. Distract them in age-appropriate ways to get their minds off of this content.

9. Guard the temptation to watch endless coverage of these events in front of children.

10. Pray for Newtown, Connecticut, as a family. The people there will be traumatized by this for years to come.

» No Comments

Bullying Is Not Cool

As you head back to school this year, you need to think about how you will handle bullying. A lot of people — of all ages — use bullying as a way to establish themselves at the cost of others. It’s easy: make fun of someone (ideally someone who is weak), and everyone else will see you as being strong, maybe funny, but definitely someone they shouldn’t mess with.

Just because it’s easy and common doesn’t mean it’s good. Bullying hurts vulnerable people. But it doesn’t just hurt the victim. It also hurts the bully by establishing really bad patterns of behavior that will harm them over the course of their life. But that’s not all: Bullying also hurts you as a bystander. There’s a good, basic human instinct to protect the weak, the vulnerable, the bullied. Standing by and doing nothing is bad for you.

So, what should you do about bullying?

– Work together with your friends to establish that in your peer group, bullying isn’t cool. There is power in numbers.

– Don’t stand by while someone is bullied. If it’s safe, stand up for the bullied. If it’s not, report it. Don’t ignore it, hoping that someone else will handle it.

– Reach out to kids who have been marginalized by bullies. Some of the best friends you’ll ever find will be in social groups that look, talk, and act nothing like you.

Tomorrow, August 8th, there’s a youth summit at Tamarack at 1:00 pm in the open court. We’ll be talking about bullying. If you’re aged 10-18, we’d love to see you there. It’ll be followed by a concert at Word Park in Beckley featuring Diggin’ the Weatha and Homemade Jamz Blues Band. It’s being hosted by Lady D of Simply Jazz and Blues. Please join us as we redefine cool.

» No Comments


Welcome to the new Life Strategies Counseling Services website. In the coming weeks and months, we’ll be bringing you additional blog posts, video and audio clips, and resources that spring from our goal of helping you think through areas of concern in your life and plan and develop strategies for success.

The therapy team at Life Strategies Counseling Services is made up of trained and licensed therapists whose purpose is to help. If you’re ready to take the next step toward tackling the challenges unique to your life, don’t hesitate to click on appointments above.


We would love to serve you!

» No Comments

Family Counseling

It’s much easier to get married than to stay married! At Life Strategies, we want you and your mate to resolve the conflict that has (more…)

Comments Off on Family Counseling


Fighting for power in your family can be both exhausting and embarrassing. The counselors at Life Strategies (more…)

Comments Off on Family


Depression comes in many shapes and sizes and for a variety of reasons.  If you suppress your feelings without resolving them, (more…)

Comments Off on Depression