May 2004

Anger Expressions: BLOW UP! - Clam Up - Step Up - by Josiah Smith

1st

Tips on How to Shake the Fizz Out of Anger

by Hamlet Smith

1. Take your Anger through a Filter.
Reality Check:
- Talk to someone whom you trust that can give you an honest evaluation of whether or not you are thinking Biblically.

2. Be Honest with your Self and Others about your anger.
- If you are angry, Own Up To It!
- Don’t say “Well I’m not going to say anything.”
Ephesians 4:25 “ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”

3. Use your Anger to Motivate you to do Something About the Problem.
Mark 3:5 “He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it out and his hand was completely healed.”

4. Keep Short Accounts with you Anger.
Ephesians 4:26 “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.”

5. Get Used to Forgiving Others and Yourself for Unrealistic Demands.
Matthew 18:21, 22 “How many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ ‘I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

6. Take the time you need to express your disappointment in a clear, positive, and controlled way.
Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

7. Don’t make Friends with Angry People.
Proverbs 22:24 “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered.”

8. Pray for the Person with Whom You are Angry.
1 Timothy 2:8 “I want men everywhere to life up holy hands without anger or disputing.”

Anger is an emotion that we experience as a strong irritation when our expectations don’t match reality. To judge whether or not we are managing anger appropriately we must:
#1 Evaluate Based on Truth.
#2 Express Anger to Solve the Problem.

- Hamlet

hamlet@lifestrat.com

2nd

Anger Expressions: BLOW UP! - Clam Up - Step Up

by Josiah Smith

Ephesians 4:26

Anger is a healthy God given emotion. If that takes you by surprise, you are not alone. Ephesians 4:26 says: “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” It doesn’t say, don’t sin by getting angry. How you define anger impacts the way you think about it. Let’s define anger as the emotion that you feel before you take any action. What you do after the emotion we’ll call the anger expression. The emotion of anger appears for a reason. Something has not happened the way we thought it should have happened. Once the emotion of anger appears, we choose how we will express that emotion.

Here are three ways we express anger: Blow Up! – Clam Up – or Step Up. Most of the time we think of anger, we think of the first way of expressing anger – Blow Up! But let’s remember, anger is not what you do, it’s the emotional response prior to any choice of expression.

If we choose to Clam Up, then the expression of anger is inward. It’s kind of like swallowing a stick of dynamite. The stick of dynamite may seem to disappear for a while, but it’s going to do some serious damage to your insides and to others when it explodes.

To express our anger by choosing to Step Up is by far the hardest one to master, but it yields great rewards when we do. Stepping up to the plate in a baseball game means that you have to face the pitch, face the uncertainty of what could happen – good or bad. You might strike out, get hit by the ball, or you could hit a home run. Some ways that we can Step Up in our expression of anger is by assertively communicating with the person you want to Blow Up at. Being assertive is being able to confidently express your feelings in a manner that is sensitive to the emotion needs of the person your communicating with. Another way to Step Up is to learn how to give and receive forgiveness.

If you Step Up to the plate, you’re not going to hit a home run every time. However, if you always Blow Up and lose control you’ll never experience the best in life and relationships – you’ll never get to hit the ball. If you Clam Up, you’ll miss the opportunity to get out on the field, you’ll be stuck on the sidelines wishing you were able to play. It’s not easy to Step Up and express our anger in a way that is positive and effective, but it yields countless benefits in our lives and in the lives those who surround us.

- Josiah

josiah@lifestrat.com