Positive reinforcement nurtures healthy self-esteem

By Bev Davis/REGISTER-HERALD SENIOR EDITOR

Gina Smith of Grandview gives 18-month-old Anne a high-five as a reward for sharing her toys. Smith said she tries to consistently offer immediate praise - either verbally or with some gesture of approval - to reinforce good behavior in her daughter. (Photo by Lew Whitener/THE REGISTER-HERALD)

Positive reinforcement goes a long way in directing a child's behavior in the right direction and building a healthy sense of self-esteem, a Beckley therapist said.

"There is an incredible power unleashed when we appreciate others and find ways to express that appreciation," said Hamlet Smith of Life Strategies in Beckley.

The power of sincere praise has been recognized by leaders in all walks of life, and particularly in sports arenas, Smith said.

"Basketball coaching legend John Wooden said that whenever someone makes a pass or sets a pick to assist you in scoring - acknowledge them in some way, such as a high-five, a point in their direction or an inaudible thank you. One of his players asked what if they're not looking.

"The coach responded, 'I guarantee they'll be looking.' We all want to be acknowledged at work, play, church, at home and at work."

- - -

As a Christian counselor, he often reminds clients of Ephesians 4:29, a Scripture that admonishes believers to use communication to build one another up.

"I'm not talking about flattery. There are several differences between sincere praise and flattery," Smith said.

"Flattery is dishonest, attempts to advance its own purposes and is insincere. It involves lying, and your ulterior motive will eventually be recognized."

Sincere appreciation is honest, builds others up in a good way and is truthful, he said.

Smith said some parents worry that praise spoils children.

"That's a misconception. Praise won't spoil a child. Things spoil when they are left alone. Children are never spoiled by our loving interaction with them."

Children quickly learn to grasp the concept of whether their actions are good or bad, he said.

Quoting Proverbs 20:11, Smith said, "Even a child is known by his actions - whether they are pure and whether they are right. Praising them for the good and right things they do is one of the best ways to encourage them to do the right things."

- - -

There are several ways to use praise appropriately.

-- Reinforce good behavior with immediate praise. Your child will make the association and is more likely to be motivated to repeat good actions that will result in more appreciation.

-- Especially with small children, praise them even for partial success. It will encourage them to work harder on the next effort.

-- Compliment children on character traits - not just on what they accomplish. Commend them for being thoughtful, considerate, for sharing things with others, telling the truth, being obedient - the praise will reinforce those inner values.

-- Be persistent. Don't stop. Consistent praise and consistent discipline go hand-in-hand in shaping a child's behavior.

- E-mail: bdavis@register-herald.com