Many families have been pondering the question of what gifts to get Dad for Father's Day this year.

By Bev Davis/REGISTER-HERALD SENIOR EDITOR

Will Smith and his sons Andrew, Wilson and Matthew enjoy some time together at Little Beaver Lake. Time is one of the most valuable gifts a father can give his children, a local counselor said. It is an investment in the present and the future because a dad's influence will be carried into succeeding generations, Hamlet Smith said. (C.L. Garvin/The Register-Herald)

A local counselor said this holiday is also a good time for dads to think about the gifts they can give their children.

"Children want our time more than anything else," said Hamlet Smith, therapist with Life Strategies Counseling in Beckley. "Taking the time to play a game, wet a fishing line or just walking in the woods is a valuable investment in your child's life. Many kids dream of sharing these simple activities with their dad. There has been a debate over whether children need quality or quantity time. They need both."

Spending time with a child is an investment in the present and the future, Smith added.

"Children will remember the time they spent with a dad and will carry that example with them into their own parenting roles later on."

Right in tandem with that concept is the need for a dad to develop good listening skills, said Smith, who is the father of six children.

"You have to learn to listen - really listen - to what your kids are trying to tell you. You have to listen beyond their words and learn to hear the emotions and thoughts behind them. It takes time, and it takes some practice, but it's worth the effort. You can't really provide good direction for your children, if you don't really know who they are and what they think about things," Smith said.

Other gifts a dad should pass on to this children include:

- Consistent discipline that is always tempered with love. Discipline shouldn't be based on idle threats. It should fit the degree of severity of the infraction, and it should always be followed by love and affection. Explain why the discipline is being enforced, and ask your children questions to see if they have understood what they did wrong and why it has led to the consequences of the discipline.

Discipline involves training, coaching and modeling. Set the right example. Discipline should also be a shared responsibility of both parents. It should not be left up to one or the other to always be "the heavy."

- Model empathy. Children watch their parents to see how they treat others. Ask your child questions such as, "How do you think your brother felt when you hit him with the toy?" "How do you feel when someone hits you with a toy?" These questions help the child understand the impact of his or her actions on others.

- Protect your relationship. As much as it is in your power, do not allow anyone to distance you from your child. This is difficult because it means being connected enough to your child to see when a relationship or an activity is slowly distancing you from them.

- Pray with them and about them. God understands our children and us more than we do. He knows exactly what we all need. Involving God in the process helps your children develop their faith in Him and allows you to tap into His unlimited resources for your child.

- Teach your children about God. Whether we realize it or not, our children will get a picture of who God is from watching their fathers particularly. We will demonstrate whether God is capricious, harsh or whimsical, or whether He is fair, patient and loving. We can't change who God is, but we can shape who our children perceive Him to be.

- E-mail:bdavis@register-herald.com