Proverbs can help shape plans for new year, therapist says

By Bev Davis/REGISTER-HERALD SENIOR EDITOR

Hamlet Smith, a therapist with Life Strategies in Beckley, goes over some suggestions for goal setting with a client. Goals should be realistic and practical. The goal setter should take stock periodically to see where he or she may need to make adjustments, Smith said. (Photo by Lew Whitener/THE REGISTER-HERALD)

If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.

That proverb quoted by his dad often has helped Life Strategies therapist Hamlet Smith learn to set goals.

"If you don't know where you are sailing, any wind will get you there," Smith said, quoting another of his favorites. "I firmly believe God has given our lives purpose, so seeking His purpose for us should be at the top of our list when we're planning our goals for a new year."

He offers the following guidelines for framing your New Year's resolutions or for merely establishing some goals for your life:

-- Stay within your budget. The good feeling that comes from buying things lasts only a short time. Stress from not being able to pay your bills lasts a lot longer.

-- Invest your time in things that last. Doing something for someone else is the single best way to get the focus off your own anxieties and disappointments.

-- Don't skip sleep to do more. If you skip sleep on a regular basis, you will become more depressed and anxious. Taking good care of your health is one of the best ways to be effective in everything else you do. Rest, good nutrition and exercise all need to become part of the balance of a healthy lifestyle.

-- Realize you are not the only one with a dysfunctional family. Many people - such as God's prophets like Hosea - have had less than ideal relationships. Work toward peaceful relationships and don't expect more than other family members can deliver. Learn to accept their love in the ways they can offer it, not the way you necessarily want it to be expressed.

-- Set your boundaries before you go into a difficult situation. Decide what you will do if people's language becomes abusive or if their behavior gets out of hand. Leaving quietly may be the best tactic. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger." Don't feel you have to have the last word.

-- Focus on the blessings you have. Don't languish about what you don't have. A grateful heart will help you maintain a more positive attitude.

-- Get rid of bad habits that are harmful to your health. Alcohol, for example, is a depressant. If you are battling depression, alcohol will make matters worse. Trying to solve problems by overeating or smoking is futile. Learn to deal with your emotions honestly. Seek professional help if you need it. No substance is a fitting substitute for faith, courage or integrity. Let the Lord help you develop these lasting traits in your life.

-- Perfection can be a real trap. Aim for doing the best you can in a given situation. Perfection will cause you not only to be too demanding of yourself, but too demanding of others.

-- Spend time with supportive and caring people. Some of us don't have this in our families, so we need to be aggressive about being around others who help meet this need in our lives.

-- Resist the urge to define success by what you receive materially. Measure success by spiritual and emotional growth.

-- Accept advice only from wise people. Don't let people who are wrecking their relationships and lives give you advice about yours.

- E-mail: bdavis@register-herald.com